Who Says I Have to Choose?

One of the things that I have had the less than pleasurable experience of dealing with over the past twenty years Christina and I have been married is the fact that of the "married friends" that we have known, been close to, or have been associated with, roughly 50% of them are no longer married.

Often, in the process, something happens, and the couple in question will do one of three things. They will:



- close off from us and we just stop hearing from either of them.
- one of the couple continues to interact with us, and the other fades away in the background someplace
- in very rare occasions, both individuals will actively try to keep in contact with us.


I was reminded of this recently when I saw an old email from a friend. We had not talked in awhile, and it was fun conversing on a number of different things that we both liked and shared as interests. In the process, she said to me "I never thought it was fair that Kevin* got to have you, Christina and the kids as part of the divorce."


I was stunned. At first, I genuinely didn't know what to say. After pondering the various thoughts I had, I decided I had to answer her back, and I've decided to answer that same question here, because it's how I've always felt:


"Jennifer*, I was never told that I was part of the custody proceedings. Regardless of how things played out between you and Kevin, it wasn't a one way street. We weren't friends with Kevin, and oh well, I guess Jennifer just came along for the ride... we were all friends, and I value both of you. we stopped talking because you changed your phone number and your address, and didn't give me a new one. Your old email didn't work any longer, and we had no forwarding to tell us what your new address was.

Kevin never asked me to not remain your friend, and I genuinely never considered that I wouldn't be. For some reason, you came to the conclusion that Kevin deserved to be our friend, and that you no longer belonged. We are here, the address and phone number is the same, the email is the same. If you want to talk or visit with us, we are here. if you would like us to come and visit you, we're happy to. We have always, and will always, be your friend."


In a very few instances, due to genuinely terrible circumstances, I have with relief watched relationships end, usually due to dangerous behavior or psychotic tendencies in an individual, but even there, I never wished anything bad to happen to them. I did wish for those specific people to go and get help. Those that did, are in far better places today. Some have even reached out to me to talk again, for which I am happy to do. Some are still out there somewhere, and I really wish them well and hope that they are happy or can become happy once again.



To those out there who have ever wondered "What would the Larsen's say if I contacted them after so much time?" I would say "Hey, it's great to hear from you, how are you doing? What are you up to? Where do you call home now? Let me know when you are in the area, I would love to see you and say hello in person. If I'm in your area, the same applies." With a very few exceptions, that would go for most of those people we were friends with for all those years. The exceptions know why they are exceptions. I don't want to have "toxic" or "abusive" around my family, but in most cases, neither toxicity or abuse factored into the issues. Life did, and sometimes, life is not fair. I ask that you not compound life's unfairness by cutting us out of your lives when we certainly had (and have) no intention of cutting you out of ours.



* - names have been changed, but this conversation has happened a variety of times in a variety of ways, and applies to many couples and families over twenty years.

Ego Over Matter: Weeks 11 & 12: Removing the Monkey

You may notice that I have not posted an update the past couple of weeks. There's a reason for that. No I haven't quit, but I have been less focused on the diet front for the past two weeks. This is two-fold. First, it's because I want to spend some time to let my head and body rest a little before I pour on another ten weeks of focus. The second is because I had to get a monkey off my back.

One of the things that, like clockwork, tends to happen whenever I decide that I need to lose weight, is that my caffeine consumption starts to rise, first slowly, then precipitously. I noticed at the end of week 10 that I was averaging 4-6 Diet coke drinks every day. That's a lot. Too much, in fact. that's almost 200 mg of caffeine per day, which would be equivalent to two cups of coffee each day. Being a Latter-day Saint, I don't like that comparison (and yes, I am perfectly aware that Diet Coke is not part of the Word of Wisdom, I've rationalized that argument hundreds of times over my lifetime). Caffeine is a wonderful little appetite suppressant, but it only works for so long, and then you need elevated doses to get the same effect. I've decided this time around that I want to get to my weight without the little helper taking part of the credit. So I've spent the past two weeks dealing with a cold turkey withdrawal of caffeine from diet soda.

How does it feel? So far, it hasn't been too bad. I haven't had the headaches or irritability I've had in the past, but I definitely notice the appetite suppressant quality being gone. I feel hungry a lot more often, and I find myself snacking often in spite of myself. I'm trying to supplement this by drinking protein shakes during the day. I'm not ashamed to say, it's a darn lousy substitute (LOL!).

So my next cycle officially begins today, and this time, I decided not to weigh myself. Have I relapsed a little? Yeah, I'm sure I have, but part of me is OK with that. this time around, I'm going to do it without my "old friend", because i want to prove to myself I can do it. Frankly, I think I'll feel better about the result. Here's to "round two" :).

The ABC's of Me

Clarese did this, and hey, I'm going to borrow it from her as well. Think of it as a diversion from my current obsession with losing weight :).

A. Age: 43
B. Bed size: California King
C. Chore you dislike: Mowing the lawn
D. Dogs: Rikku (Corgie)
E. Essential start to your day: check on the fish upstairs, make sure everyone is OK and all the food is gone.
F. Favorite color: Hunter Green
G. Gold or silver: silver
H. Height: 6'2"
I. Instruments you play(ed): Primarily a singer, but I an play a little guitar, bass and drums, plus plunk out some chords on a piano.
J. Job title: Software tester, instructor, podcast producer, writer
K. Kids: 3 of them :)
L. Live: San Bruno, CA
M. Mom's name: Dorothy
N. Nicknames: went by Kelly as a stage name
O. Overnight hospital stays: so far, my birth is it
P. Pet peeves: Overly padded writing, which is ironic because I am certainly guilty of it.
Q. Quote from a movie: "Self-realization. I was thinking of the immortal words of Socrates, who said, "... I drank what?"" Chris Knight (Val Kilmer), Real Genius
R. Righty or lefty: mixed (write with right hand but do a lot of other stuff left handed)
S. Siblings: Oldest of 4 (one brother, then two younger sisters).
T. Time you wake up: 4:30-5:00am, typically
U. Underwear: standard issue ;).
V. Vegetables you don't like: haven't really met one yet that fits that bill :).
W. What makes you run late: train schedules
X. X-rays: teeth, shoulder, ankle, lower back
Y. Yummy food you make: I have an awesome cayenne pepper salmon dish, speaking of which, I'd really like to make that again, thanks for the reminder :).
Z. Zoo animal favorites: Lions and Tigers are all the rage!

Ego Over Matter: Week 9: Vacations Rarely Lead To Weight Loss

So at the end of Week 9, I tipped the scale at 242 pounds, which is up two pounds from my last weigh-in, a total of 10 pounds dropped total, and 42 pounds away from my goal of 198 pounds.

This past weekend we went down to Fresno to visit with our friends. Usually, as you can imagine, these trips tend to involve a lot of dining out, socializing, and frankly, not a lot of rigorous control on the diet front. Thus, I fully expected a bit of a rebound this week, and yep, I got it! Of course, going to John's Pizza, an Asian buffet, bagels and Dairy Queen didn't help matters *AT ALL* (LOL!), but hey, I'm not going to play the miserable little dieter while I'm out with my family on a visit, so I was prepared to take the hit.

On our road trips, whenever possible, we like to find fun and unusual sodas that we’d never tried before. This trip, we explored the options that Fentiman’s offered, including their Curiosity Cola, which I discovered is one of the oldest small brew colas still made, Burdock soda, which tastes a bit like bubble gum and licorice, and Shandy, which is a beer soft drink… yes, you read that right! It’s basically a malt and barley soda pop with sugar and lemon.

Interestingly enough, with the hit, I'm actually back on the even keel I'm supposed to be with a 1 pound a week loss, and I'm actually still a pound ahead. Remember I stalled for a week, then dropped four pounds the following week, then dropped another pound, then back-tracked two. All told that puts me at losing 11 pounds in ten weeks, which is ahead of where I intended to be in the first place, so no harm no foul :).

It can be frustrating, though, to spend a lot of energy hoping to see a drop and not seeing it happen, but then, I also realize that the prepared foods often have higher sodium content (hey, it's part of what makes them taste good ;) ), and that higher sodium content directly translates to higher water retention, meaning this could all slip away in a couple of days of getting "back to normal". This is why I don't freak out too much about the day to day weight fluctuations, and rely on my weekly "weigh-in" to balance out the story. My weigh in just happened to come after my weekend away. Justifying much? Absolutely (LOL!). Ah well, it's a new week and a new chance to get back on the horse, so here we go again...

Ego Over Matter: Week 5: Back Trouble and Standing Still

So at the end of five weeks, I currently sit at 246 pounds. This is down 0 pound and is 48 pounds away from my goal of 198 pounds.

So yeah, you all caught that, right? No movement. that's because I had limited movement this week. I don't know what I did exactly, or what triggered it, but when I reached for something this past Monday evening, I felt that tell-tale "bass string Pop" sensation above my left hip. Each time this happens, I know what I'm in store for... limited movement, large doses of Ibuprofen, and me totally frustrated. With less movement comes more boredom and, often, a desire to eat more food, so I found myself snacking mindlessly at times when I didn't even really feel hungry or want to eat. It provided a distraction for my ache, but it's not the distraction I really wanted.

Fortunately, the ache is subsiding now (these episodes usually last about a week), so I am finding it easier to get out of the snacking mode (that, and an increased consumption of water).

So I have figured out the rhythm of the breakfast delivery at work. As I mentioned, yes, the entire office gets breakfast. Monday's are breakfast sandwiches from various places (they rotate where they come from, but basically they are usually egg, ham or bacon, or vegetarian, on either English muffins or toast. Tuesday's are bagels w/ various schmears and a plate of cut fruit. Wednesday's are breads and baguettes with really heavy Greek style plain yogurt and various flavorings (my preferred method is Turkish style with a tablespoon of honey). Thursday is breakfast burritos of various kinds (usually ham, bacon and veggie). Friday is steel cut oatmeal and mixed fruit. Seriously, my company buys enough for everyone each morning. Pretty cool, huh :)? Of course, with so much food about, it's easy to make frequent trips to the break room and see what's there, so it's up to me to decide when to steer clear.

Well, here's hoping this coming week will see a return to greater mobility and also to reduced pounds.

Ego Over Matter: Week 4: New Temptations

So at the end of four weeks, I currently sit at 246 pounds. This is down 2 pound and is 48 pounds away from my goal of 198 pounds.


This in a way surprises me because I started my new job this past week... at a place that has even more food in the office than the place I just left (LOL!). What's more, they feed the staff breakfast every morning. Yes, you read that correctly (start-up culture, it's a beautiful thing in many ways; this just happens to be the tradition of this place). What's neat to see is that they get actual hearty breakfast foods, like egg sandwiches, granola, yogurt, fruit plates, breakfast burritos, etc. and they get enough for everyone! What's more, they foster a sense of community when they eat lunch and take their breaks to eat. They all hang out together. All of this makes the meal time breaks more anticipated, but more to the point, it makes snacking practically stop.

The third story stairs deal also seems to be helping a little bit. I was leaving the building to go out and in at least three times a day the first couple of days, but that has mostly stopped (LOL!). Seriously, though, I think just a break from routine made enough of a switch-up that I was able to drop two pounds without making much of an effort. The healthier breakfast food options, and later in the day, are probably helping, though (I love my friend Curt's response when I told him my company feeds us breakfast. He said "Breakfast?! What are you, Hobbits?!")

So there it is week one of a new job down, and a plan to see if this change up is just a temporary blip or actually has a longer term effect. We'll see next week :).

Ego Over Matter: Week 3: New Beginnings, New Habits

So at the end of three weeks, I currently sit at 248 pounds. This is down 1 pound and is 50 pounds away from my goal of 198 pounds.


Interesting to see what the future will hold. I officially ended a six year run with Tracker Corp. on Friday and will start my new job today as a Senior Tester at SideReel. There are some differences that will definitely make a change to my routine. First, the new building is an old building, an early 20th century (maybe earlier) brownstone with three floors. We're on the top floor and the stairs is the only real way in and out (there's an elevator, but it's for freight only, and it's an old elevator anyway, so best to use the stairs. With that being the only way in and out, my exercise quotient has risen a bit right there.


Many of the old snack habits from the old company are now officially gone. I can't access the varieties of free food and candy that were often stocked in the office, and I have a feeling this new company is a lot leaner on those types of things (they are a start-up after all :) ). So that will also shift my habits considerably. More water and home brought stuff for me, which is fine :).

It'll be interesting to see what the new job and the way the office is set up and structured will do to me longer term. I for one am interested in seeing just what happens. Stay tuned for more :).

Ego Over Matter: Week 2: Back In Touch With Reality

So at the end of two weeks, I currently sit at 249 pounds. This is down 1 pound and is 51 pounds away from my goal of 198 pounds.


Bleh! that about sums it up. Not elation, not frustration, just, bleh! Having done this a number of times, I think I'm becoming both more philosophical and more cynical about it, but also more concrete in I know what I have to do, and I just have to do it. Some things that this week helped put into perspective. There are several maxims I've used over the years, and those maxims still hold.



1. Eat it whole, eat it raw, eat it unprocessed is still good advice. When in doubt, go with fresh, go with whole foods, and eat them as is. Two whole oranges are a lot less calorically dense compared to a glass of orange juice, and they are also a lot more filling :).



2. Steering clear of sodas of any stripe is best, but if one must, go with Diet flavors (even if they are genuinely awful tasting). Other than that, drink at least 64 oz of water every day potentially closer to 1 gallon a day. Your trips to the bathroom increase, but it also helps flush out the other gunk, too (and your skin will thank you, seriously, it will :) ).



3. Getting back into the understanding of what a portion is can be amazing. If in doubt, carry around some measuring cups and see/calculate what you actually eat. You may well be astounded by how much you put away without even thinking about it. Also, read carefully the serving labels. My morning oatmeal baggie is actually two servings (ha ha ha! in who's world?!). Each serving has 100 calories, so each bag actually has 200 calories. I often would put two bags together to make a substantial enough meal. That's 400 calories or 20% of the days calories for a 2,000 calorie day (which if you are on a losing kick is a good goal at 6'2" and 250). That's sobering!



4. If you have to choose between eating less and exercising more, it's great if you can do the latter, but the necessary output to burn 500 calories more a day is a lot more effort than shaving 500 calories a day. Do both and you will be a rock star (as well as create a 1,000 kCal/day deficit, but you may find it makes you really grumpy, too. Still, that's all you really have control over is the amount, and diet control is simpler than expending more energy exercising (provided you're already doing some as it is. If not, get up and go take a walk :) ).


5. Dieting sucks! Yes, I said it. It's not fun, it's kind of a pain, and it's frustrating when you are invited to dinner or are out and about. You can mitigate that fact a little bit, though, by being more prepared, packing your own food wherever possible, and packing the items that are nutrient dense and take up a lot of room w/o adding a lot calorically (back to the whole whole/raw/unprocessed spiel in #1).


So there it is. I met the target for the week and feel utterly underwhelmed. It's still early, though, so let's see if this tortoise approach will actually work better long term.

EGO OVER MATTER: Week 1: Getting Our Bearings

To those who know me, as usual, this is not a New Year's Resolution. I do not make those; I believe a goal is good enough to start any day and every day, so I actually started this on December 27th, 2010.

Week 1: The Truth Shall Set You Free

So here is some truth. I weigh 250 pounds at 6'2" of height. Now, some might say, oh that's not so bad for a guy in his mid 40's. True, but in 2007 I went from 242 to 190. I dropped 52 pounds in 26 weeks, averaging two pounds a week without ceasing (and often doing 3 or 4 pounds a week at a clip). The net result was that I looked great for about a year, got totally burned out on dieting, joined a gym so I could build some muscle again, ate like a horse to build up, then stopped going to the gym in the Summer of 2009. Still kept eating as I was accustomed to. Have a fairly nice amount of muscle still, but it's marred considerably by the extra fat weight I'm carrying. Grrr!!!!


After dropping to 190#, I had lost the chronic back pain that had plagued me for several years. Sadly, it's back (no pun intended) and it irritates me considerably. I'd like to see it go away again.

When I dropped to 190#, I stopped snoring. Seriously. With the weight coming back, so has the snoring, and frequently my getting up to go sleep somewhere else so Christina can have a good nights sleep. That's a drag, since I happen to like  my bed and I hate the fact that I'm depriving someone else of good sleep. Plus, I had vanquished it, so I know I can do it again.

Here's another truth. I lost 52 pounds in 26 weeks in 2007. I know it is possible, I know I can do it, and I know I can do it without tearing myself to shreds in the process. This time around, I'm not going to be impatient, and I'm going to allow my body to acclimate more naturally so that I can make it a lifestyle change I can live with. The change in 2007 was dramatic, it was amazing, but in many ways, I set myself up to fail after I met my goal. What then? So my goals will have to be a little more concrete this time, and emphasize some good long term reasons to lose the weight:

1. I hate the back pain. I want it to go away.
2. I hate that my snoring is keeping my wife up at night, and that it may be pointing to sleep apnea that may shorten my life if I don't do something about it.
3. 38" waistline. Need I say more?!
4. My mom was recently diagnosed with Diabetes. Granted, she's 70, and later in life stuff like this happens. But I also know that this can be genetic, so if my mom's got it now, I could develop it later, unless I change tactics.
5. I'm sick and tired of being sick and tired, or put more succinctly... I'VE HAD IT!!! (In my best Les Brown / Dave Ramsey imitation :) ).

Since I believe wholeheartedly in public flagellation to accomplish goals, that's exactly why these pages exist. Check in with me each Monday and see how we roll. Good or bad, it will be posted here for all to see.

New Year, New Presence, Lots More Posts

Hi everyone!

When I said I was going to take a break and focus on my professional blog, I didn't think it would mean I'd have *no* interaction with it. Yikes! that changes starting today (no this is not a new years resolution, but it's a good place to start up an old habit again :) ).

My professional blog is all about testing. This blog is all about everything else, and frankly, there's a lot of things that "everything else" entails. For starters, I decided last week to start up my Ego Over Matter posts again (note, I started on December 26th, not a New Years Resolution :) ). Still on Monday I will be putting in my first week of reality and how it has affected me.

I'm also focusing on Madd Money again, since there's a few aspects of personal finance I've missed writing about and want to cover more of in the days, weeks and months ahead.

Finally, I owe this newfound drive for my personal blog to Gerald Weinberg. His book "Weinberg on Writing, the Fieldstone Method" is opening my eyes to a way to write that I hope will be more effective and more insightful. We shall see :).

The Larsen's 2009: A Year in Review

Some may remember last year that I said that I wasn't a really big fan of the "brag letters" that now tend to be a standard part of Christmas Cards. Part of me finds them a little obnoxious and self serving, yet as I look back at the year that is 2009, it strikes me that, well, we had one of those years that makes me want to crow a little bit (LOL!). We certainly had our ups and downs; it was a challenging year on a lot of fronts, but it was also a year where a great deal of noteworthy things happened to me and my family.

For me, 2009 would be a year of "rewinding". Of the many memorable things to have happened this year, none strikes a more surreal chord more directly than a company asking to release material my old band recorded between 17-20 years ago. Demon Doll Records signed us to a distribution deal where they now can release and sell CD's of High Wire's material. To add to that, all of us got together August 22nd and performed together for the first time in 17 years. It was a fantastic night and one I will honestly not soon forget!

I had the chance to serve as Staff on an LDS friendly Wood Badge Course. It took a lot of time and effort to put together, but I was happy to have had the experience, and I greatly enjoyed working with my group of Bobwhites, all of whom should be well on their way to earning their Wood badge beads (but I'm going to have to start checking up on them pretty soon :) ).

My son Nicholas earned his Eagle Scout award this year. To say that's an amazing accomplishment is an understatement. It's a big deal, and I'm really proud of him. I'm also really proud of the fact that he has put effort into learning how to play the Viola. It's fun to come home and hear him playing music for school, or holiday songs, or even more entertaining, the theme music to video games like Mario Brothers (LOL!). He's enjoying his lat year of intermediate school for the most part, but looking forward to attending High School next year (yikes, do I really have a kid who's about to go into high school?!)

Karina is growing into a beautiful young lady (see my previous post this month :) ), and her art skills are simply phenomenal, for lack of a better word. I always enjoy seeing what she has drawn, and what she wants to put together next. She's been working on an illustrated book about a girl and her dog for months... I'd love to say more about it, but she won't show it to me until its finished (LOL!). Karina is in 5th grade, and short of the usual drama that accompanies girls and friendships at that age, I think she's doing really well.

Amber is my joyous little imp, and it's so fun to watch her interact with everyone and see her grow up. She's a 3rd grader this year, and it's been fun to see her show her classmates her love of "Indian Dancing", drawing, and her love for the outdoors. It's also been funny to watch her take hold of a Winnie the Pooh bear that she will bring everywhere with her, and I mean honestly anywhere. It's really cute :).

Christina was released this year a the Primary President, a role she has had in the Church now for four years, and she now serves with the Compassionate Service Committee, helping make sure that new moms get meals, or helping out in ways that people need when they need additional help. I've enjoyed watching Christina grow into this new role, and become reconnected with the Relief Society after so many years in Primary. We both grew a year older this year, and celebrated 17 years of marriage on December 5th, punctuated by a Sushi dinner and watching an old friend's band play down in Cupertino :).

So 2009 is almost gone, and it's been fun to reflect on the year that was, and to look forward to a new, year, a new decade, and the many challenges and adventures that this new year will bring.

My "Little" Girl (LOL!)

Sometimes in our mad rush to do stuff, we don't stop to think about the time that has passed and the milestones that are reached. Karina turned 11 two weeks ago. She's a fifth grader right now, and she is suffering from the same genetic anomaly I suffered from, i.e. "stork syndrome". Karina is taller than just about anyone in her school, male or female, so sometimes people look to her and think she is much older than she really is. It's funny, I sometimes fall into that trap as well. That's why I love the times when she acts all silly and cute to remind me that she really is still a little girl in many ways :).

We took this picture yesterday after we came home from church, and she's reminding me that she's as tall a Mom now and can wear all of Mom's clothes (which in some ways is very cute, and in others somewhat alarming). While I can admit my daughter is growing up, I'm really in no hurry for her to move the process along at any great speed, either (LOL!).

Happy Birthday, Karina :)!!!

Dread Pirate Roberts Consulting

For those who are fans of the movie "The Princess Bride" you will know this character :). He was portrayed by Cary Elwes (the alter ego of "Wesley") and the foil for many of the characters to go up against. The parts of the movie I remember the best were his quips when he and Buttercup were walking through the Fire Swamp and he was describing how he became the Dread Pirate Roberts. I'll not spoil the whole setup for the perhaps two or three people out there who have not seen this movie, but there's a section where the "Dread Pirate Roberts" takes in Wesley by saying "well, I've never had a valet before, so let's see how this works, but be warned, I shall probably kill you in the morning" (paraphrased).

I've long thought on this quote and wondered "what would I do in my everyday life if I had that as a way to work and to live, the notion of work hard, work well, do what you can, I shall probably kill you in the morning"? How would you do things differently? How would you approach problems? How would you approach projects? Lately, I've felt overwhelmed by many things, as though I'm trying to get so many aspects of my life to line up correctly. For grins, I'm taking a page out of Dread Pirate Roberts play book, and approaching each day as if it were a standalone, with work, with play, with family, with scriptures, etc. and I'm asking myself "do I feel that this is the best use of my time considering the Dread Pirate Roberts will probably kill me in the morning?" If the answer is "yes", then that's truly been a good day. If the answer is "no", then it's really time to de-emphasize that piece, whatever it may be.

Here's wishing you all great days and great efforts, whatever they may be. May you not be killed in the morning. Oh, and do your best to avoid the R.O.U.S.'s, too ;).

You're Welcome, But You Aren't Invited

This Labor Day Weekend, my daughters and I will be going to participate in what has become an annual event for us. This is the Labor Day Pow Wow that is held by CIHA (California Indian Hobbyists Association). It will be in the same place that it is most years, at Camp Pollock in Sacramento (just off the American River near the junctions of Interstate 80 and Interstate 5).

This is an interesting event, in that it's one of those things that happens, a number of people are aware of it, but very little promotion of it is ever done. I discovered my first year of attending that that is by design. The organizers of the event enjoy having new people come in and participate, but that's the key right there... they want to have people come in and "participate", not just hang out and see what is going on. When I came my first year, one of the organizers and long time participants said something that fascinated me, and I've thought about it ever since. He said "this is the type of event where you are welcome, but you are not invited". It took me a little while to absorb that statement, and after a few years, I think I'm understanding what he means.

Many things in life require us to be invited, or at least we feel it appropriate that we be introduced and some form of "personal contract" be made. We don't just show up at a job without filling out an application, and then being interviewed and subsequently hired. We tend to not just show up someplace and pick up a shovel and go to work on a project. For these examples, there's a social contract that says "we have to accept you as part of the community first, and then you can participate". My experience with CIHA was different. I came because I heard about it, and I asked if there was something I could do to assist, and they let me step right in and do whatever I could (which in this case consisted of helping clean up an area of grass for dancing and helping set up benches for the dancers to sit). After awhile, I was able to start talking to people, and getting to know a little bit about them and what they did and why they came each year. It was from that experience that I made some friendships, and committed to coming back and participating in whatever way I could.

How often do we hear the phrases "ask and ye shall receive, knock and it shall be opened"? So often, we wait for others to tell us it's OK to do something, or we wait until we are invited to participate. My example with CIHA was exactly the opposite. I had to make the decision to seek them out, and once I was there, I had to put myself into the fray and participate. If I waited to be asked to join them, I would have been kept outside. In this case, my just going up and offering to help gave me the in I needed. That has served as a metaphor for many of the things I do today. It may be seen as a strange re-rendering of the phrase "it is easier to beg for forgiveness than it is to ask for permission", but it is somewhat similar. Many times in life, if we wait for an invitation, we'll wait forever. At times, it is not only acceptable and appropriate, but expected that you need to make the first move. Will it always work? No, and in some areas it's disrespectful to be so presumptuous, but many times in life, the most interesting experiences are not the ones that you are invited to participate in, but the ones you make a conscious effort to see out and do on your own.

This weekend, my girls and I will go up and renew that experience, and learn more about the friends that we have made over the years, and perhaps we will also meet some new people that have decided to just join the group and put in their effort. Either way, I'm looking forward to another memorable Labor Day Pow Wow weekend :).

Introducing "The Jello Belt"

No, this is not a post about some new exercise fad, or some odd choice of clothing. This is about an online friend of mine (she goes by "Janey" in the forums I frequent, I'll let her out herself if she wants to be outed ;) ), and her unique experiment with writing an online novel, geared towards an LDS audience, while deliberately steering clear of the many pitfalls and foibles associated with "LDS Literature".

To that end, may I introduce you to The Jello Belt: A Mormon Blog Novel.

To read in Order, go back to the earliest post and start with Chapter 1, then follow on with each successive post after that. Don't be surprised if you spend a whole day getting caught up.

This is the "book" back blurb:

• Tracy Nesbitt has been running away for years, hiding in low self-esteem and junk food. If she doesn't find the courage to face her past, she risks ruining her relationship with her daughter.
  
• Carly Simmons is the perfect Mormon. She has to be or she can't be happy. And to prove her worth, all her children are perfect. Except her oldest daughter, Danna. Only Danna stands between Carly and perfection, and Carly isn't about to let anyone stand in her way.
  
• Nicole Benton is living an ordinary Mormon life. She's got a loving husband, and two healthy boys, until one day one of them isn't.
  
• Amanda Grayson walked away from Mormonism years ago, right into the arms of the best husband a woman could want. But Mormonism puts down deep roots, and when Amanda feels the pull to return, she faces a husband who doesn't want her to go back.
  
• Maria Anderson glided through life, smoothing away the rough edges, until a priesthood blessing persuaded her to be honest. As honesty peels away years' worth of facade, Maria faces a truth that will blow her family apart.
  
  Join the families of the Juniper Bend Ward as they grapple with the things no one talks about, and find their faith in the events that threaten to destroy them.

If you think this sounds like "Relief Society Desperate Housewives" or "The Real Housewives of Draper, UT", well, you're on to something there, but to say that that's what it is is to be correct and to miss the mark entirely. While the title may sound cutesy, what Janey covers here is anything but. This is a slice of "Mormondom" from the vantage point of an insider, and one who shows that "Molly Mormon's" and "Matthew Missionary's", while a common stereotype, are not really accurate. Latter-day Saints are a complex mix of people, even in what many may consider a very homogeneous Utah (and hey, that's where Janey happens to live, so it's going to be based on her areas of expertise and knowledge, plus she shows that Utah isn't quite as jhomogeneous as we all might want to think ;) ).

Still, the characters that she describes are real, their issues are real, and they are the issues that many of us have faced. While the stories revolve around the women, the men in their lives are just as real and as fleshed out. We know these people, they are familiar to us, we see them every week, and quite frankly, several of them are us (and one of the characters, Danna, is *me*, or at least, she is me when I was 15 years old, were I a teenage girl... where was I going with this (LOL!)?). Seriously, the characterization is rich, the people feel very real to us, and one of the things I like about Janey's portrayal is that she doesn't overdo the descriptions of the characters; she lets us fill in the blanks, and what happens is that we feel like we are reading about our friends, our ward members, and the challenges they face are our challenges, and in some ways, my challenges.

This is a great story, and it's a great return to the "days of Dumas"... if you ever wondered what it felt like to read a "book" in serial format,well, here's your chance. If you are a member, you'll find a lot to like in here. If you are not a member, some of the comments may feel like they are in code, but there is still a lot to like in here. More to the point, if you ever thought that "Mormons" were all alike, I think it's safe to say that this will help remove that feeling and you just may understand how unique and different we are when it comes to life and its experiences. We all have a common goal and a common focus, but how we get there and the challenges we face are as unique as each one of us is.

Come on, Janey, publish some more chapters now, please :).

Been a Tad Bit Busy!!!

It’s taken me a few days to process all of this, and to put into perspective what I want to say. August has been a n insane month for me, one in which I’ve had the experience of living the absolute of two different worlds and having them both come together.

Earlier this month, I had the chance to drop everything and be a dedicated full time scout leader for a solid week at Scout Camp (August 1-8). While fun, it definitely has its challenges (talk about exhausting, and that was with 5 additional adults there). Shortly after coming back home, we had boards of review to conduct (August 11), and Courts of Honor to hold, two of them. The first was an Eagle Scout Court of Honor for Jonathan Ott (August 15, who for those keeping track, gave his Kente to Sean Conley, which now means that, when Sean gets his Eagle Scout Award, he will be giving his Kente to a 5th Generation recipient (and I can probably guess who it will be :) )). Shortly thereafter, we followed on with the Troop Court of Honor (August 18), and a lot of awards being given out (actually, we think it may be a record number of awards, 76 merit badges and 8 rank advancements).

Once that was out of the way, the next step was to gear up and go absolutely ballistic with promotion of our reunion show (on August 22). The day of the show, we all went to San Rafael and rehearsed for four hours, as well as did a warm up show for the kids and family members that were not going to be at the night time show, and then we went down for sound check at Vinnie’s, headed back to the Concord Hilton to change, grab a light dinner, and then return for what was an absolutely amazing night of rock and roll, old friends, and reliving memories and making some brad new ones. It was phenomenal :). The next several days after that have been processing all of the pictures and video from the show and saying thank you to everyone that came, and cajoling those who didn’t as to what they missed (and believe me, those who missed it missed something genuinely amazing, and I’m not just saying that because it was my band, either :) ).

I’m writing all of this to give you an idea why you’ve heard so little of me this month. Suffice it to say, I’ve been a tab bit busy (LOL!).

Home From Scout Camp

HEy there, it's been a few days, but I'm still getting adjusted back to life after having been at Wente Scout Reservation for the 7 days. It was a great week for all of us. Some milestones:

* 17 boys from our Troop went, which I think is a record (well, at least since I've been a member of Crystal Springs 1st Ward it's a record, can't speak to anything before 1999)

* six adults attended camp (seven actually, two adults shared the time up at camp during the week and traded off on Wednesday).That was also a record for this troop (again, at least since 1999).

* we also picked up two more boys from Oakland that were added to our Troop as provisional scouts (having led provisional s 2 years ago, I felt it important that we invite these boys in to join our Troop, and I like the fact that the camp thought to ask us first if we'd take them in :).

* I learned how to sail a Hobie Cat and a Laser small sailboat this week. So did my son. I'm still not all that particularly good at it, but it was a lot of fun to get out onto the water and let the wind take us where we wanted to go.

* the boys earned 71 merit badges this week, which is an average of 4 plus badges per attendee. In addition, we also racked up the potential for 13 rank advancements (actually 15 since two boys are eligible for double headers (Tenderfoot/2nd Class and 2nd Class/1st Class). We also have three Boy Scout World Conservation Awards, one earner of the Mile Swim Award, and 23 boys and adults that earned the Finney Valley Award.

* Nick^2 now both qualify to receive Bronze Eagle Palms (both boys racked up five merit badges each this past week).

* I got to take our oldest attendee out on a Whitewater kayak trip down the Russian River (and let me tell you, rapids you would scoff at in a raft become a whole nother matter in a kayak! Exciting, yes, but I have a few bumps and bruises from this particular trip (LOL!).

* I dealt with the typical things that a Scout leader has to deal with when it comes to camp, including trying my best to follow up on boys and make sure taht they are where they need to be at a given time, dealing with minor feuds between boys, dealing with homesickness with some of the newer guys, and otherwise just making sure all of our boys make it home in one piece (which they did) overall happy (which they did) and having accomplished all they set out to do (well, OK, some room for imrovement there, but overall verty well done on all counts :) ).

So now it's time for me to adjust to life back home. It may take awhile (LOL!).

The Needles and the Damage Done

I was ever so hopeful that i would just be able to go into Kaiser and have them print out a nice little manifest to show that I had all of my immunizations and that they were up to date... but no such luck! turns out there are a number of immunization records that have not been recorded for me, and a few that I have not determined immunity for.

so today, what I had hoped would be a fifteen minute in and out for paperwork became a three hour circuit where I got tested, gave blood, and got screened to determine that I needed at least two shots and possibly more. I received my tetanus booster cocktail today (felt like getting gasoline pumped into my arm, ouch!) and I also received my first of three Hepatitis A and B vaccinations. I will need to do a TB test when I come back from scout camp, and *then* I should be all caught up.

Sheesh, the things I do to be a good example to my Scouts (LOL!).

Took A Few Days Off, and Did It Ever Feel Great :)

Starting Thursday afternoon, my family and I decided that we wanted to have some time together and go off and do some things together. This was a busy several days, but so very fun. We started out by camping in Big Basin Redwoods State Park down near Santa Cruz. Nick and I took responsibility for the cooking and setting up of the camping area, and the girls had fun helping set up the fire and just exploring the area around where we were camping (Blooms Creek, the first main camp area as you enter the park from the North side). Nick regaled everyone with his excellent Dutch Oven cooking skills, treating us to Coca-Cola Chicken and Philmont Ranger Peach Cobbler for dinner and Dutch Oven Train Wreck for breakfast. We then explored around the park and looked at truly massive Coastal Redwood trees and other stretches of forest that made us feel right at home, and far away from home, both at the same time.

After our time in the park, we drove through the various "mountain towns" that stretch along Hwy 9. between San Jose and Santa Cruz. These towns include Boulder Creek, Ben Lomond and Felton, among others, and we had some fun looking at various sites along the way. NNick spotted a house that was made to look like a castle. He asked if we could stop so he could get some pictures of it. By doing so he met the maintenance crew for the house, and they invited us in for a tour of the place; unexpected, but very cool :). As we continued driving down Hwy 9, we also made our way into Santa Cruz, and then turned up the Cabrillo Highway to explore some of the beaches and natural preserves that run along our coast. One of the neat stops was at Pigeon Point Light Station near Ano Nuevo Natural Preserve. It's a neat old Lighthouse that also has a youth hostel on its grounds. The Lighthouse is a rapidly disappearing method of navigation, but one that was used for centuries. Northern California has one of the foggiest coastlines in the world, and its fair share of shipwrecks. Thus, the various Lighthouses that can be seen along the California coast are great reminders of our recent past, and it was fun to stop and take a closer look.

We also celebrated our version of "Pioneer Day" this weekend with members of our Stake at Coyote Point in San Mateo. This was a big gathering of the six wards that make up our stake, and it was a lot of fun to see so many people that I only occasionally get to see. It was also fun to see Karina, Amber and Nick playing and hanging out with their friends. Recently, the Crystal Springs 1st Ward and the El Camino Ward merged their Primary, Young Men's and Young Women's groups together, so our Young Men's group has picked up several new boys. It was terrific to see both Young Men's groups spending time together and getting to know each other more :).

The final cap of the weekend was to get to spend time with the Delgado's. Carlos and Kelly are literally the longest tenured couple that Christina and I have known together. In fact, Carlos and Kelly were at the Stone in September of 1990 when I first met Christina (Carlos was and is the lead guitar player for High Wire). We had wanted to have an opportunity to get our families together to do something fun, and this weekend, that finally happened. We went to meet up with them at the California Academy of Sciences, and it was so fun to watch our kids interacting with each other. Amber and Gabriel were inseparable much of the time, which was really cute, and Karina loved doting on little Sara. Carlos and I had fun geeking out on all of the exhibits and explaining to our kids what they were (that is, when our kids weren't explaining them to us first (LOL!) ).

All in all, a fabulous whirlwind three day "vacationlet", if you will. Now it's back to work for one week, and then I'll be gone for eight days with Troop 250's scouts at Summer Camp.

The Aches and Pains of Getting Older

I never imagined I'd be one of those people grumbling about "oh my aching this" or "oh, my aching that", but this past weekend has both made me aware of it, and how very capricious life is and what causes things to happen.

My weekend was summed up by some great high points. The Troop had a terrific "mostly minimalist" campout at Sam McDonald Park. I say mostly minimalist because we had to still pack up more gear than I would have liked to (but since we had some brand new scouts that had never been backpacking before, we decided to bend the rules a little bit :) ). I slept out under the stars with just my sleeping bag, my bed roll, a ground cover, and nothing else. I also brought nothing my pack couldn't carry, so I was totally self sufficient on my pack this weekend. We hiked the Forest Loop Trail with a fair amount of vertical ups and downs, and later went to Pescadero Beach and played among the rocks and the sand and the surf. Through all of this I felt fine, and had not troubles at all.

Waking up on Sunday morning was when everything went south. Somehow, while sleeping in my comfortable king sized bed, with all of the comforts and modern conveniences of home, I managed to pull a muscle in my upper back (feels like it's right over my right scapula). This has made moving around a rather eventful experience, to say the least. getting dressed, taking a shower, ducking in and out of a car, all of this has been made to be more eventful than I ever hoped it would be (and aggravating, just to be clear on that front as well).

Why is it that when I go out and do things that most people would think would trash you, I suffer no ill effects, but when I come home where it's comfortable and safe, all of the annoying things happen?! Yes, I realize that that's not really the case; I've had my share of scrapes and bruises and "owies" occur outside of home, too, and even on my outings and activities; I'd be full of it if I said that I didn't get hurt at times doing those things, but somehow, life conspires to wait until I get home to do damage to me much of the time, and I find it slightly ironic that my body's biggest enemy is my own bed (LOL!).

Sorry for grumbling today, but this is one of those days where I'm feeling rather irked. I know I'll be better soon enough, but it's the waiting for the soon enough that's going to drive me crazy!