Who Says I Have to Choose?

One of the things that I have had the less than pleasurable experience of dealing with over the past twenty years Christina and I have been married is the fact that of the "married friends" that we have known, been close to, or have been associated with, roughly 50% of them are no longer married.

Often, in the process, something happens, and the couple in question will do one of three things. They will:



- close off from us and we just stop hearing from either of them.
- one of the couple continues to interact with us, and the other fades away in the background someplace
- in very rare occasions, both individuals will actively try to keep in contact with us.


I was reminded of this recently when I saw an old email from a friend. We had not talked in awhile, and it was fun conversing on a number of different things that we both liked and shared as interests. In the process, she said to me "I never thought it was fair that Kevin* got to have you, Christina and the kids as part of the divorce."


I was stunned. At first, I genuinely didn't know what to say. After pondering the various thoughts I had, I decided I had to answer her back, and I've decided to answer that same question here, because it's how I've always felt:


"Jennifer*, I was never told that I was part of the custody proceedings. Regardless of how things played out between you and Kevin, it wasn't a one way street. We weren't friends with Kevin, and oh well, I guess Jennifer just came along for the ride... we were all friends, and I value both of you. we stopped talking because you changed your phone number and your address, and didn't give me a new one. Your old email didn't work any longer, and we had no forwarding to tell us what your new address was.

Kevin never asked me to not remain your friend, and I genuinely never considered that I wouldn't be. For some reason, you came to the conclusion that Kevin deserved to be our friend, and that you no longer belonged. We are here, the address and phone number is the same, the email is the same. If you want to talk or visit with us, we are here. if you would like us to come and visit you, we're happy to. We have always, and will always, be your friend."


In a very few instances, due to genuinely terrible circumstances, I have with relief watched relationships end, usually due to dangerous behavior or psychotic tendencies in an individual, but even there, I never wished anything bad to happen to them. I did wish for those specific people to go and get help. Those that did, are in far better places today. Some have even reached out to me to talk again, for which I am happy to do. Some are still out there somewhere, and I really wish them well and hope that they are happy or can become happy once again.



To those out there who have ever wondered "What would the Larsen's say if I contacted them after so much time?" I would say "Hey, it's great to hear from you, how are you doing? What are you up to? Where do you call home now? Let me know when you are in the area, I would love to see you and say hello in person. If I'm in your area, the same applies." With a very few exceptions, that would go for most of those people we were friends with for all those years. The exceptions know why they are exceptions. I don't want to have "toxic" or "abusive" around my family, but in most cases, neither toxicity or abuse factored into the issues. Life did, and sometimes, life is not fair. I ask that you not compound life's unfairness by cutting us out of your lives when we certainly had (and have) no intention of cutting you out of ours.



* - names have been changed, but this conversation has happened a variety of times in a variety of ways, and applies to many couples and families over twenty years.

Ego Over Matter: Weeks 11 & 12: Removing the Monkey

You may notice that I have not posted an update the past couple of weeks. There's a reason for that. No I haven't quit, but I have been less focused on the diet front for the past two weeks. This is two-fold. First, it's because I want to spend some time to let my head and body rest a little before I pour on another ten weeks of focus. The second is because I had to get a monkey off my back.

One of the things that, like clockwork, tends to happen whenever I decide that I need to lose weight, is that my caffeine consumption starts to rise, first slowly, then precipitously. I noticed at the end of week 10 that I was averaging 4-6 Diet coke drinks every day. That's a lot. Too much, in fact. that's almost 200 mg of caffeine per day, which would be equivalent to two cups of coffee each day. Being a Latter-day Saint, I don't like that comparison (and yes, I am perfectly aware that Diet Coke is not part of the Word of Wisdom, I've rationalized that argument hundreds of times over my lifetime). Caffeine is a wonderful little appetite suppressant, but it only works for so long, and then you need elevated doses to get the same effect. I've decided this time around that I want to get to my weight without the little helper taking part of the credit. So I've spent the past two weeks dealing with a cold turkey withdrawal of caffeine from diet soda.

How does it feel? So far, it hasn't been too bad. I haven't had the headaches or irritability I've had in the past, but I definitely notice the appetite suppressant quality being gone. I feel hungry a lot more often, and I find myself snacking often in spite of myself. I'm trying to supplement this by drinking protein shakes during the day. I'm not ashamed to say, it's a darn lousy substitute (LOL!).

So my next cycle officially begins today, and this time, I decided not to weigh myself. Have I relapsed a little? Yeah, I'm sure I have, but part of me is OK with that. this time around, I'm going to do it without my "old friend", because i want to prove to myself I can do it. Frankly, I think I'll feel better about the result. Here's to "round two" :).

Ego Over Matter: Week 10: Steady the Hovercraft

So at the end of Week 10, I tipped the scale at 240 pounds, which is down two pounds from my last weigh-in, a total of 10 pounds dropped total, 42 pounds away from my goal of 198 pounds, and effectively a two week flat-line when taken together. I'm hovering, and I don't like it.


One of the challenges is that I'm in class right now. I'm working on the Bug Advocacy class for the Association for Software Testing. Don't worry if that doesn't mean anything to you, the key is that it's messing with my schedule and my hours, and it's causing me to spend less time walking about and more time curled up with a laptop and typing. Not a great formula for weight loss success, so after this next week, when the class is officially finished, I meed to up my game.

How to do that? I'm working it out, but I have free weights, I have a Swiss Ball, I have a mountain bike, and really, I have zero excuses. What I don't have is a lot of time, but actually, that is also not true. I have the same1,440 minutes every single day, so somewhere in there, I should be able to fit 30 to 60 minutes of doing something active and physical. You know the old line "if you are too busy to do [fillInTheBlank] then you are too busy!" It's not a matter of time, it's a matter of choice and what matters to me. I claim to want to drop the weight, but until I actually get out and run a few laps or pedal a bike for awhile or take the skateboard out for a ride or start pumping some iron, I'm all hot air!

So yeah, I need to make a priority on dong more movement, because the food option is kinda' reaching its limit, and I want to see the progress bar start going down again. Overcoming inertia is always the hard part, so that's my plan, overcome inertia, as soon as class is over ;).

The ABC's of Me

Clarese did this, and hey, I'm going to borrow it from her as well. Think of it as a diversion from my current obsession with losing weight :).

A. Age: 43
B. Bed size: California King
C. Chore you dislike: Mowing the lawn
D. Dogs: Rikku (Corgie)
E. Essential start to your day: check on the fish upstairs, make sure everyone is OK and all the food is gone.
F. Favorite color: Hunter Green
G. Gold or silver: silver
H. Height: 6'2"
I. Instruments you play(ed): Primarily a singer, but I an play a little guitar, bass and drums, plus plunk out some chords on a piano.
J. Job title: Software tester, instructor, podcast producer, writer
K. Kids: 3 of them :)
L. Live: San Bruno, CA
M. Mom's name: Dorothy
N. Nicknames: went by Kelly as a stage name
O. Overnight hospital stays: so far, my birth is it
P. Pet peeves: Overly padded writing, which is ironic because I am certainly guilty of it.
Q. Quote from a movie: "Self-realization. I was thinking of the immortal words of Socrates, who said, "... I drank what?"" Chris Knight (Val Kilmer), Real Genius
R. Righty or lefty: mixed (write with right hand but do a lot of other stuff left handed)
S. Siblings: Oldest of 4 (one brother, then two younger sisters).
T. Time you wake up: 4:30-5:00am, typically
U. Underwear: standard issue ;).
V. Vegetables you don't like: haven't really met one yet that fits that bill :).
W. What makes you run late: train schedules
X. X-rays: teeth, shoulder, ankle, lower back
Y. Yummy food you make: I have an awesome cayenne pepper salmon dish, speaking of which, I'd really like to make that again, thanks for the reminder :).
Z. Zoo animal favorites: Lions and Tigers are all the rage!

Ego Over Matter: Week 9: Vacations Rarely Lead To Weight Loss

So at the end of Week 9, I tipped the scale at 242 pounds, which is up two pounds from my last weigh-in, a total of 10 pounds dropped total, and 42 pounds away from my goal of 198 pounds.

This past weekend we went down to Fresno to visit with our friends. Usually, as you can imagine, these trips tend to involve a lot of dining out, socializing, and frankly, not a lot of rigorous control on the diet front. Thus, I fully expected a bit of a rebound this week, and yep, I got it! Of course, going to John's Pizza, an Asian buffet, bagels and Dairy Queen didn't help matters *AT ALL* (LOL!), but hey, I'm not going to play the miserable little dieter while I'm out with my family on a visit, so I was prepared to take the hit.

On our road trips, whenever possible, we like to find fun and unusual sodas that we’d never tried before. This trip, we explored the options that Fentiman’s offered, including their Curiosity Cola, which I discovered is one of the oldest small brew colas still made, Burdock soda, which tastes a bit like bubble gum and licorice, and Shandy, which is a beer soft drink… yes, you read that right! It’s basically a malt and barley soda pop with sugar and lemon.

Interestingly enough, with the hit, I'm actually back on the even keel I'm supposed to be with a 1 pound a week loss, and I'm actually still a pound ahead. Remember I stalled for a week, then dropped four pounds the following week, then dropped another pound, then back-tracked two. All told that puts me at losing 11 pounds in ten weeks, which is ahead of where I intended to be in the first place, so no harm no foul :).

It can be frustrating, though, to spend a lot of energy hoping to see a drop and not seeing it happen, but then, I also realize that the prepared foods often have higher sodium content (hey, it's part of what makes them taste good ;) ), and that higher sodium content directly translates to higher water retention, meaning this could all slip away in a couple of days of getting "back to normal". This is why I don't freak out too much about the day to day weight fluctuations, and rely on my weekly "weigh-in" to balance out the story. My weigh in just happened to come after my weekend away. Justifying much? Absolutely (LOL!). Ah well, it's a new week and a new chance to get back on the horse, so here we go again...

Ego Over Matter: Week 8: It's The Little Things

So at the end of eight weeks, I weighed in at 240 pounds. This is down 1 pound and puts me 42 pounds away from my goal of 198 pounds.

I feared I might back-slide due tothe big drop of last week, but I definitely smiled when i saw a 1 pound drop. Of course, the drops are sort of a ratchet effect. Within a day or two I'm up over the weight again, often by a couple of pounds, and then I do a taper towards the end of the week to help me "make weight". this was a technique I learned when I was on the wrestling team in high school (honestly, i sucked at wresting, and I was totally built wrong for the sport; too tall and too heavy to be effective against my competition who was usually much shorter and much more powerfully built). Still, the "ratchet taper" is a technique that helps you to ease off the pedal for a couple of days, and then go into a slow dive that helps you make your target. this ios a much more healthy way to "make weight than other methods I've tried over the years (diuretics, etc.). To this end, I tend to remind myself that a couple of pounds up each day or down each day should be weighed into the final weigh in Monday morning, and that's the figure that matters (otherwise it's just way too frustrating and demoralizing to see the fluctuation of down two one day, up four another, etc.).

One of the little treats in the office that it a guilty pleasure of mine are the stacks of Otter Pops in the freezer. I'm convinced I'm the only one that eats these, and I have to remind myself to go easy on them  (I try to limit myself to just one a day, but some days are worse than others (LOL!). Still, it's a small little thing, and it greatly improves my mood on certain days, so I don't fight it too much :).

Ego Over Matter: Week 7: The Thrill of the Ride

So at the end of seven weeks, I currently sit at 241 pounds. This is down 4(!!!) pound and is 43 pounds away from my goal of 198 pounds.

Wow! 4 Pounds?! How in the heck did that happen? And will I be bummed if I back-slide from that level? I really don't think I did anything that extreme, but I did go snowboarding this weekend with my family, and I will admit the anticipation and all the running around to get everything ready would certainly have been an influence, but wow, four pounds in a week is both huge and scary (I always worry in the early stages of a weight loss that a radical drop is usually more associated with a clean-out of the gastro-intestinal tract than it is any big weight loss; my clothes don't fit much differently, so it's not like I'm dropping a waist size. still, a drop is a drop is a drop, so I'll take it :).

Ego Over Matter: Week 6: Creative Tricks for Quick Wins

So at the end of five weeks, I currently sit at 245 pounds. This is down 1 pound and is 47 pounds away from my goal of 198 pounds.

It was nice to see the scale move again. Back feels much better, but it’s reminded me that the extra weight is hugely responsible for the pain. Needless to say, I’m more motivated now to get rid of the remainder.


I started thinking about the little tricks that I tend to play on myself in the early going any time I diet or try to lose weight. I do them for a variety of reasons, but generally they are to get me some quick wins, so that I feel motivated to keep going over the long haul. One is a minor habit tweak, one of them is a regular thing I’ve been doing for years generally speaking, and one of them is a new development and is, well, somewhat bizarre.

1. I work with a small company on the 4th floor of an old brownstone. As it’s an old building, it has older infrastructure, the most obvious being the fact that it only has one bathroom. Put 25 people onto a floor with only a single bathroom, and needless to say, the line can be long. At the street level, there is a meeting annex to one of the nearby high-rises that has a Men's & Women’s restroom. When you make it a point to go down and up four flights of stairs every time you use the bathroom, that can have a cumulative effect (especially since I make it a point to drink 64 oz of water each day ;) ).


2. In my faith (for those who don’t read this from my obvious sources or can’t figure out from my blog feed, I’m L.D.S. ;) ), every month at the start of the month we have what is referred to as a “Fast Sunday”, where we go without food for a 24 hour period (or more precisely from end of dinner Saturday until start of dinner on Sunday). Mileage varies on how this is done or how strictly you do it, and for what purpose it is normally done (I do it in association with a goal that I wish to pray for or a question I want to pray about. Well, back in 2007, when I shed 52 pounds in 6 months, I decided to have a Fast Sunday every week. I don’t recommend this for everyone, but it has generally worked well for me and has actually had other benefits outside of the purely weight loss related. It also helps that it tends to give me a good push towards weigh in day (which is always first thing Monday morning).


3. You all jumped ahead to see what the bizarre thing was, didn’t you (LOL!)? Well, here it is. One of the things I discovered back in my last big shed-down is that having an overpowering taste can really be effective as a weight loss and appetite suppressant aid. In 2007, my spice-meter went through the roof, to the point where I was literally filling a shot glass with either Tapatio or Sriracha hot sauce. I don’t know if it really had much of an effect by itself, but it certainly helped blunt my hunger. Problem is, it doesn’t work anymore; I’ve become too used to it. This time around, I wanted to try to find “calorically empty” foods. Not those bereft of nutritional value, but I mean literally those with an almost zero caloric input. Perfect candidate? Pickles! So some of you are asking “what’s so bizarre about that?” well, nothing yet, but as I was trying to dig into the jar, I decided that I needed to do something with the vinegar that I had to dunk into. Instead of pour it down the drain, I drank about a quarter cup of it. Wonder of wonders, it had this really strong sour taste (not altogether unpleasant, but not something I’m normally go out of my way to drink straight). The really cool thing was that, within about 15 seconds, I had a total blunting of any appetite! Just by drinking about ¼ cup of pickle juice (which is effectively garlic infused vinegar). So now each time I reach for a pickle or two, I drain off just enough of the vinegar to get a “fortifying shot”. It probably won’t work forever, but right now it’s strangely effective.


So how about you? What are *your* psychological tricks to help you score your quick wins :)?

Ego Over Matter: Week 5: Back Trouble and Standing Still

So at the end of five weeks, I currently sit at 246 pounds. This is down 0 pound and is 48 pounds away from my goal of 198 pounds.

So yeah, you all caught that, right? No movement. that's because I had limited movement this week. I don't know what I did exactly, or what triggered it, but when I reached for something this past Monday evening, I felt that tell-tale "bass string Pop" sensation above my left hip. Each time this happens, I know what I'm in store for... limited movement, large doses of Ibuprofen, and me totally frustrated. With less movement comes more boredom and, often, a desire to eat more food, so I found myself snacking mindlessly at times when I didn't even really feel hungry or want to eat. It provided a distraction for my ache, but it's not the distraction I really wanted.

Fortunately, the ache is subsiding now (these episodes usually last about a week), so I am finding it easier to get out of the snacking mode (that, and an increased consumption of water).

So I have figured out the rhythm of the breakfast delivery at work. As I mentioned, yes, the entire office gets breakfast. Monday's are breakfast sandwiches from various places (they rotate where they come from, but basically they are usually egg, ham or bacon, or vegetarian, on either English muffins or toast. Tuesday's are bagels w/ various schmears and a plate of cut fruit. Wednesday's are breads and baguettes with really heavy Greek style plain yogurt and various flavorings (my preferred method is Turkish style with a tablespoon of honey). Thursday is breakfast burritos of various kinds (usually ham, bacon and veggie). Friday is steel cut oatmeal and mixed fruit. Seriously, my company buys enough for everyone each morning. Pretty cool, huh :)? Of course, with so much food about, it's easy to make frequent trips to the break room and see what's there, so it's up to me to decide when to steer clear.

Well, here's hoping this coming week will see a return to greater mobility and also to reduced pounds.

Ego Over Matter: Week 4: New Temptations

So at the end of four weeks, I currently sit at 246 pounds. This is down 2 pound and is 48 pounds away from my goal of 198 pounds.


This in a way surprises me because I started my new job this past week... at a place that has even more food in the office than the place I just left (LOL!). What's more, they feed the staff breakfast every morning. Yes, you read that correctly (start-up culture, it's a beautiful thing in many ways; this just happens to be the tradition of this place). What's neat to see is that they get actual hearty breakfast foods, like egg sandwiches, granola, yogurt, fruit plates, breakfast burritos, etc. and they get enough for everyone! What's more, they foster a sense of community when they eat lunch and take their breaks to eat. They all hang out together. All of this makes the meal time breaks more anticipated, but more to the point, it makes snacking practically stop.

The third story stairs deal also seems to be helping a little bit. I was leaving the building to go out and in at least three times a day the first couple of days, but that has mostly stopped (LOL!). Seriously, though, I think just a break from routine made enough of a switch-up that I was able to drop two pounds without making much of an effort. The healthier breakfast food options, and later in the day, are probably helping, though (I love my friend Curt's response when I told him my company feeds us breakfast. He said "Breakfast?! What are you, Hobbits?!")

So there it is week one of a new job down, and a plan to see if this change up is just a temporary blip or actually has a longer term effect. We'll see next week :).

Ego Over Matter: Week 3: New Beginnings, New Habits

So at the end of three weeks, I currently sit at 248 pounds. This is down 1 pound and is 50 pounds away from my goal of 198 pounds.


Interesting to see what the future will hold. I officially ended a six year run with Tracker Corp. on Friday and will start my new job today as a Senior Tester at SideReel. There are some differences that will definitely make a change to my routine. First, the new building is an old building, an early 20th century (maybe earlier) brownstone with three floors. We're on the top floor and the stairs is the only real way in and out (there's an elevator, but it's for freight only, and it's an old elevator anyway, so best to use the stairs. With that being the only way in and out, my exercise quotient has risen a bit right there.


Many of the old snack habits from the old company are now officially gone. I can't access the varieties of free food and candy that were often stocked in the office, and I have a feeling this new company is a lot leaner on those types of things (they are a start-up after all :) ). So that will also shift my habits considerably. More water and home brought stuff for me, which is fine :).

It'll be interesting to see what the new job and the way the office is set up and structured will do to me longer term. I for one am interested in seeing just what happens. Stay tuned for more :).

Madd Money: Made in the USA?! Actually, Yes!!!

One of the oft heard quips from many is that "the US doesn't make anything anymore". Well, that may or may not be true, but here's a question... how many of you (and I'm pointing at myself when I use that "Royal You" as well) actually make it a point to look at where your items are made? Do we really care?!

One one side, I'm as patriotic as the next guy and I want to see our country prosper and grow. On the other hand, if I need new shoes and the US pair is $90 and the Chinese pair is $40, well...

...


...and I know I'm not the only one that does that! Truth be told, though, I'm willing to bet that 90% of the time, we don't even give a second thought as to where something is made, just the price and "can I take that home now?!" If we have to do much thinking beyond that or much detective work, then it's likely we'll do nothing, or move onto what is easier for us. 

Just for grins, I thought I'd check my labels. My shoes? Made in China. My swank Gap 1969 jeans? Festooned with references to San Francisco in various places and prominent on many of the labels... but made in Macau. My flannel, actually made by a company called American Living... and manufactured in India. See? I'm in a glass house myself, so I ain't throwing any stones here. Also, there are certain items that I greatly enjoy and I know full well they come from overseas, and I'm cool with that and willing to spend the money for the real deal item. My Ray Ban Wayfarer sunglasses are hand made in Italy, and I do not mind spending the money for a pair of them because the style and the brand are excellent and high quality (and hey, looking like a bald Roy Orbison is kinda' cool ;) ).

So what's a patriotic person supposed to do? What if we want to buy products that are Made in the USA? How do we even know what's out there? Well, there's a site actually dedicated to that at Made in USA Forever. Now, granted, I can't vouch for anything here yet, as I haven't ordered anything from them, nor am I in the immediate market for anything on this list, but should I find myself in the need or wanting anything, I do plan to give this list a look and see how things rate. If the items in question are of solid quality, I'm willing to pay for them and support local business and economies. If you want to play along as well, please feel free to. At least this way, when we make our comparisons, and if we know there's a viable alternative, we can put our money where our mouth is. If enough of us do it, there just might be a desire for a resurgence in American made goods and, frankly, I would like to see more of that!

Ego Over Matter: Week 2: Back In Touch With Reality

So at the end of two weeks, I currently sit at 249 pounds. This is down 1 pound and is 51 pounds away from my goal of 198 pounds.


Bleh! that about sums it up. Not elation, not frustration, just, bleh! Having done this a number of times, I think I'm becoming both more philosophical and more cynical about it, but also more concrete in I know what I have to do, and I just have to do it. Some things that this week helped put into perspective. There are several maxims I've used over the years, and those maxims still hold.



1. Eat it whole, eat it raw, eat it unprocessed is still good advice. When in doubt, go with fresh, go with whole foods, and eat them as is. Two whole oranges are a lot less calorically dense compared to a glass of orange juice, and they are also a lot more filling :).



2. Steering clear of sodas of any stripe is best, but if one must, go with Diet flavors (even if they are genuinely awful tasting). Other than that, drink at least 64 oz of water every day potentially closer to 1 gallon a day. Your trips to the bathroom increase, but it also helps flush out the other gunk, too (and your skin will thank you, seriously, it will :) ).



3. Getting back into the understanding of what a portion is can be amazing. If in doubt, carry around some measuring cups and see/calculate what you actually eat. You may well be astounded by how much you put away without even thinking about it. Also, read carefully the serving labels. My morning oatmeal baggie is actually two servings (ha ha ha! in who's world?!). Each serving has 100 calories, so each bag actually has 200 calories. I often would put two bags together to make a substantial enough meal. That's 400 calories or 20% of the days calories for a 2,000 calorie day (which if you are on a losing kick is a good goal at 6'2" and 250). That's sobering!



4. If you have to choose between eating less and exercising more, it's great if you can do the latter, but the necessary output to burn 500 calories more a day is a lot more effort than shaving 500 calories a day. Do both and you will be a rock star (as well as create a 1,000 kCal/day deficit, but you may find it makes you really grumpy, too. Still, that's all you really have control over is the amount, and diet control is simpler than expending more energy exercising (provided you're already doing some as it is. If not, get up and go take a walk :) ).


5. Dieting sucks! Yes, I said it. It's not fun, it's kind of a pain, and it's frustrating when you are invited to dinner or are out and about. You can mitigate that fact a little bit, though, by being more prepared, packing your own food wherever possible, and packing the items that are nutrient dense and take up a lot of room w/o adding a lot calorically (back to the whole whole/raw/unprocessed spiel in #1).


So there it is. I met the target for the week and feel utterly underwhelmed. It's still early, though, so let's see if this tortoise approach will actually work better long term.

EGO OVER MATTER: Week 1: Getting Our Bearings

To those who know me, as usual, this is not a New Year's Resolution. I do not make those; I believe a goal is good enough to start any day and every day, so I actually started this on December 27th, 2010.

Week 1: The Truth Shall Set You Free

So here is some truth. I weigh 250 pounds at 6'2" of height. Now, some might say, oh that's not so bad for a guy in his mid 40's. True, but in 2007 I went from 242 to 190. I dropped 52 pounds in 26 weeks, averaging two pounds a week without ceasing (and often doing 3 or 4 pounds a week at a clip). The net result was that I looked great for about a year, got totally burned out on dieting, joined a gym so I could build some muscle again, ate like a horse to build up, then stopped going to the gym in the Summer of 2009. Still kept eating as I was accustomed to. Have a fairly nice amount of muscle still, but it's marred considerably by the extra fat weight I'm carrying. Grrr!!!!


After dropping to 190#, I had lost the chronic back pain that had plagued me for several years. Sadly, it's back (no pun intended) and it irritates me considerably. I'd like to see it go away again.

When I dropped to 190#, I stopped snoring. Seriously. With the weight coming back, so has the snoring, and frequently my getting up to go sleep somewhere else so Christina can have a good nights sleep. That's a drag, since I happen to like  my bed and I hate the fact that I'm depriving someone else of good sleep. Plus, I had vanquished it, so I know I can do it again.

Here's another truth. I lost 52 pounds in 26 weeks in 2007. I know it is possible, I know I can do it, and I know I can do it without tearing myself to shreds in the process. This time around, I'm not going to be impatient, and I'm going to allow my body to acclimate more naturally so that I can make it a lifestyle change I can live with. The change in 2007 was dramatic, it was amazing, but in many ways, I set myself up to fail after I met my goal. What then? So my goals will have to be a little more concrete this time, and emphasize some good long term reasons to lose the weight:

1. I hate the back pain. I want it to go away.
2. I hate that my snoring is keeping my wife up at night, and that it may be pointing to sleep apnea that may shorten my life if I don't do something about it.
3. 38" waistline. Need I say more?!
4. My mom was recently diagnosed with Diabetes. Granted, she's 70, and later in life stuff like this happens. But I also know that this can be genetic, so if my mom's got it now, I could develop it later, unless I change tactics.
5. I'm sick and tired of being sick and tired, or put more succinctly... I'VE HAD IT!!! (In my best Les Brown / Dave Ramsey imitation :) ).

Since I believe wholeheartedly in public flagellation to accomplish goals, that's exactly why these pages exist. Check in with me each Monday and see how we roll. Good or bad, it will be posted here for all to see.

Shedding of Innocent Stuff: The New Year's day Garage Purge

This is a day of extremes. New Year's day is always spend doing the same thing. It's the day I put away all of the Christmas decorations, and I spent the bulk of the day in the garage de-junking and making the commitment to toss more stuff (it almost always requires a special trash pickup call, and today is no exception).

This day is purifying, especially since I make it a point to be especially ruthless! If there are items that I have not touched once in the course of the year, they're pretty much goners (there are of course some exceptions, items that don't get used often, but are there for a purpose, such as paint, spare lightbulbs, etc, but in general, if it's in the same place I left it last year, its not likely to be there again at the end of today :).

Time to de-junk.

Updated: Decided on a different approach to some stuff. I went out and bought six medium to large sized laundry baskets. These now reside underneath the row of cabinets in the garage, and they all have the various often used items. This way, each seasonal or often used item has a simple totle to carry it wherever, get used, then get put back. What.s more important is that, as seasons change the contents can, too. My logic is to see what makes their way into the totes, and then I will know what is actuall ygetting used throughout the year, and it will help me be a better hatchet-man during the rest of the year as well. Now, if I could only find a permanent place for my big mixing board console and the lawnmower outside of the garage, I would have finally achieved one of my long term goals; the complete and total removal of the 2nd perimeter of stuff! I'm *SO* close :)! Even more exciting, I have access to my garage's work bench again. YEE HAW!!!

New Year, New Presence, Lots More Posts

Hi everyone!

When I said I was going to take a break and focus on my professional blog, I didn't think it would mean I'd have *no* interaction with it. Yikes! that changes starting today (no this is not a new years resolution, but it's a good place to start up an old habit again :) ).

My professional blog is all about testing. This blog is all about everything else, and frankly, there's a lot of things that "everything else" entails. For starters, I decided last week to start up my Ego Over Matter posts again (note, I started on December 26th, not a New Years Resolution :) ). Still on Monday I will be putting in my first week of reality and how it has affected me.

I'm also focusing on Madd Money again, since there's a few aspects of personal finance I've missed writing about and want to cover more of in the days, weeks and months ahead.

Finally, I owe this newfound drive for my personal blog to Gerald Weinberg. His book "Weinberg on Writing, the Fieldstone Method" is opening my eyes to a way to write that I hope will be more effective and more insightful. We shall see :).

Happy Memorial Day!

Troop 250 scouts placing flags on the graves of veterans at Golden Gate National Cemetery

My great thanks to all of the veterans past and present that have given their all to make the United States the country that it is today. It's not perfect by any means, and it most certainly has challenging days ahead, but the fact that we have the ability to live the lives that we do today and the fact that we are all able to continue in our quest of "life, liberty and the pursuit of happiness" is owed to those brave men and women who gave their all on various battlefields to safeguard those rights for us.

Thank you to all who have made the ultimate sacrifice and to those people who are family and descendants of those men and women. I am grateful to you!

Introducing TESTHEAD: My New "Professional" Blog

Well, this is something I've done some serious pondering over, ever since reading "Linchpin" by Seth Godin. I made a challenge to myself to give something back to my professional community as a gift, and that gift is a new blog I started last week. I've made a decision to go live with it and go for broke trying to create the content and make it interesting (well, as interesting as Software Development and testing can possibly be; I think it's interesting, but your mileage may vary).

If you would like to follow my new blog, I welcome you to please come and visit TESTHEAD. The subtitle of the blog is "The Mis-Education and Re-Education of a Software Tester".

I will still post updates here, but they will be less frequent. For the foreseeable future, TESTHEAD is going to be getting the bulk of my attention.

Here's to future days, and for those who have stuck with me to read this blog over the past several years, I'm not going to abandon it, but I hope that my posts that will be made here and there will be worthwhile and fun for you all to read.

Peace!!!

Shaking Up The System: Two Books Recommendations

In the coming days, I am going to post a few entries based on these two books, but I wanted to start talking about them here, and give those who would be interested a head start on getting the books a chance to do so.



“Linchpin: Are You Indispensible?” By Seth Godin

Seth makes the point that the “take care of you” bargain, that of going to school, following the rules, showing up to work, and being reliable will result in a high paying, low risk job that they will have for decades, and that company will take care of you, is gone. It’s a new world of competition that literally spans the entire world. If you are average, you are a commodity, another replaceable cog that likely will be replaced. What’s a person to do? Seth argues that we need to stop being cogs, and become “linchpins”, those people that every organization needs to survive. Are you a linchpin? If not, how do you become one? Seth lays out the case that we need to break away from the cookie cutter mentality of the past, where we take on a new way of thinking, a new way of seeing how we work, and a new way of interacting with our peers, colleagues, and customers. The key idea is that we need to stop thinking of ourselves as average, and consider ourselves unique and valuable contributors to the marketplace. If we feel we aren’t anything special, there’s plenty in this book to show you what to do, and a lot of consideration as to how to do it (note: there is no exact template or “how-to” steps in this book; this is a book to help you discover the internal traits that you need to enhance or overcome to make the big decisions to move from “cog” to linchpin”, how you choose to do that is as unique as every reader would be.



“Secrets of a Buccaneer Scholar” by James Marcus Bach

The sub-line of this book gives a good idea of what you are getting here; “How Self-Education and the Pursuit of Passion Can Lead to a Lifetime of Success”. James Bch and I share a number of things. First is our choice of career; James and I have decided to make software testing the cornerstone of our careers. James and I also share another trait; neither of us were big fans of school when we were younger, nor did we do very well when we were there. James actually dropped out of school in the middle of high school, and never went back. He states that his 8th grade diploma is the highest “certification” he has. Yet James is known today as one of the foremost experts in the world of software testing, and author or co-author of several books on the topic of software testing. How does one go from being a high school dropout to one of the best known experts on software testing? James shows his method in this book. Some will be put off by the authors disdain for the way that schools are structured today, and may find his message dangerous. James makes no bones about the fact that he felt that traditional school was a waste of his time, and if those who find that stance distasteful and would dismiss the book for that stance, will miss a lot of great ideas and great methods for honing a desire to be a lifelong learner. James makes a key distinction with this book; he’s not saying chuck school because education is not important, nor is he saying you can become brilliant without any effort. In fact, he makes the opposite assertion; you may work way harder to educate yourself than you ever will in school. What he does show is that, like the buccaneers of yore, there’s a way that we can learn what we want to, in the ways that are most effective for us, and set aside the methods that are not. I’m going to definitely go into this book in more detail in future posts, but suffice it to say that I have found many valuable ideas in this book to read, ponder and consider.

If you decide to get these books, please feel free to comment on them and offer suggestions for other titles to consider for review and discussion.

Gurus are Nice, But They Won’t Do Your Work!

It's been awhile since I've posted anything. That's going to change (LOL!).

It is common in our world of always on media, easy to attain reading, and 24/7 coverage of the most minute of things, to give ourselves over to “gurus”. While we pride ourselves on being free to think and believe what we want to, we seldom do. Religious or agnostic, politically active or apathetic, more times than not, our thoughts are not shaped by us, but often are shaped for us. We believe in someTHING, often because we believe in someONE.

Guru’s affect us for many reasons. We all have them, whether or not we want to use that exact word to describe them. In some ways, the term “guru” gives people strange feelings. When we think of a guru, we think of it in the terms of the culture that the term comes from. It comes from India, and is closely associated with Hindu spiritualism, and often conjures up the vision of a person who makes pronouncements, and people follow whatever they say, because the guru said it. Uncomfortable as that may be, if we look at many people and the way that they think and interact with others, this is *exactly* what the word means, and why I’m using it. I’ll admit it,

I have gurus I look to for certain things (or if you want, use the term mentor, coach, advisor, whatever makes you comfortable, but know that the term “guru” is still what I mean :) ). My favorite gurus are the ones that keep me entertained or well informed. If someone can do both without setting off my BS meter, there’s a good change I’ll listen to what they have to say. Below are a few of my current favorites that rise to the level of “guru” for me.

Thomas S. Monson: As a practicing Latter-day Saint, it should probably come as no surprise that the President of my church, a man whom I sustain as a prophet, seer and revelator, would perchance top my list of “gurus” that I consult. I also include within this list the men that preceded him, all the way back to Joseph Smith. Their advice is inspired, and oftentimes becomes the rock of doctrine and practice for the 12 million Latter-day Saints worldwide. Having said that, Thomas S. Monson is not in this position merely because he is the president of my church; he is here because I’ve had the benefit of listening to him for many years, applying his advice and suggestions, and feeling the surety that the vast majority of them have been to my benefit, most often spiritually, but quite a few times temporally. Does that mean I check my brain at the door and pledge to do what he says unquestioningly? No, it does not. However, over the many years I have listened to him, when I have taken him up on his advice to “experiment on the word” (not a phrase that originated with him) and give him the benefit of the doubt, I have more times than not felt the surety of his words and what they mean, and how their application has been a boon for me. Your mileage, of course, may vary, but so far, so good .

Dave Ramsey: When it comes to money, Dave’s my man. Long time readers of this blog should find absolutely no surprise in that. What are the reasons for this? First, I became hooked on his radio show after someone suggested I check it out. His style was engaging, and his humor and focus appealed to me. Ultimately, though, it was his message that meant something to me. He was as anti-debt as I was, and his advice and “Baby Steps” fit into my overall philosophy of how I wanted to manage my money. Because of this, I will confess to being a fan and one who listens to Dave Ramsey, but at the end of the day, listening to him does nothing if I don’t actually implement the suggestions he makes. In effect, I chose to “experiment on the word” again with Dave, and for the most part, his advice has been very good and very helpful. Do I agree 100% with *everything* he says? No, but I’ll give him about an 85% agreement rate. I think there is a proper use of credit, provided it is paid off in full every single month without fail, whereas he advocates fully eschewing debt, but that’s a minor nit. Overall, his message resonates with me, and I try my best to apply what I’ve learned from him.

Dan Carlin: It is safe to say that Dan has had the most profound effect on my political outlook of anyone in the past 20 years. Why is that? Well, it started with my listening to his Hardcore History podcast. As a fan of history, I love the segments that he creates, a “theatre of the mind” approach where the arcane bits of history come to life. It was through listening to these podcasts that I discovered that he had another podcast called “Common Sense”. Over the past few years, I have come to identify with his political philosophy of “neo-prudentism”, a philosophy where many of the great ideas do not belong to any one political party, and that we should not be so tied to ideas that any one political party presents, but should focus on what will work, and forsake that which does not. Why does this message resonate with me? It resonates because Dan is a master at understanding history, and how history rears its head in so many places. Because of this understanding, ideology gives way to pragmatism, and that pragmatism is really and truly the only valuable option. Don’t tell me the philosophy of the party; show me what will actually work. If it’s a good idea, I will support it on its own merits.

Larry Winget: Yeah, I have a thing for bald guys who wear loud shirts (LOL!), but that’s not the reason I love Larry so much. The real reason is that his approach to life and personal responsibility really appeals to me. He doesn’t sugar coat anything. He has a take no prisoners, kick butt approach to just about everything, and frankly, the dude is entertaining as all get out! Reading his books is a lot of fun, but even more fun is to actually listen to him. Few people could get away with telling people to “Shut Up, Stop Whining and Get a Life!”, but you look forward to hearing Larry say it :). More to the point, you look forward to putting into practice what he says.

Randy Rice: Up to this point, many of you probably knew who I was talking about because you’ve heard of them through the media or other places, but who is Randy Rice? Randy is a consultant that works out of Oklahoma City, and he is a teacher, a trainer, but most importantly, he is a tester. Yep, Randy shares my career and my avocation; he is fascinated with testing and the ways that testing is done. He’s someone who has invested a lot of time and effort into developing courseware, articles, and audio podcasts related to testing and the issues that surround it. Randy prides himself on the fact that he tries to take what can often be a rigorous and tedious job, and makes the ideas accessible. About half of my iRiver (my MP3 player of choice) is filled with Randy’s podcasts made over the past five years, and I look forward to opportunities to hear and learn from him. Still, Randy’s advice, ideas, and recorded podcasts mean little if I don’t take the ideas he presents and put them into practice.

So what’s my point with all of this? The voices we hear, the people that we look up to, the ones whose advice we seek, are there because of various reasons. The fact is, we all have them. The other fact is that, much of the time, our gurus do *nothing* for us except to maybe entertain us or get us to nod our heads in agreement (or occasional disagreement; I’d argue that a guru isn’t of much value if you agree with them 100% of the time). The true benefit of a guru is to consider their ideas, question them, look at them critically, and if they pass the criteria that critical thinking skills require, then it is our responsibility to actually “experiment on their words”. If we do that, regularly and consistently, then our gurus will actually be a benefit to us. Also, it gives us a chance to develop enough experience to the point that, like it or not, may make us the guru to others :).